There are five basic components of compassionate communication, and it is important to speak to others in this way in order to achieve a common goal of happiness and satisfaction. This method of communication is really very beneficial, and I urge everyone to try it.
Okay to the basics, observing with judging simply means observing the situation, how it makes you feel, what particularly made you feel this way, what could stop these feelings, and why these actions are occurring.
Distinguishing between feelings and non feelings are important many people speak in description and not feelings. You are likely to say your boss sucks, but not my boss makes me upset when he acts a certain way. It is important to speak in terms of actual feelings, and if more people did so the world would be a better place.
Taking responsibility for your feelings is extremely important, and this means recognizing why an action makes you feel a certain way. People act the way they do, but everyone has certain beliefs that cause them to feel certain ways towards other people's actions. Taking responsibility for your feelings means accepting that it is your beliefs that cause these feelings.
Requesting what we need simply means asking for what you need in order to feel good.
Receiving empathetically means receiving in a way that gives respect to the feelings of others and is thankful and understanding of the sacrifices others are making to fulfill your needs.
When trying to resolve a conflict you must employ all of these factors; you must state what is bothering you, how you feel, what about you makes you feel that way, what you need to feel better, and your understanding of what this request means to the person you are asking it of. For example, if you were having a conflict at work you instead of saying your boss sucks, you could say when your boss yells it makes you feel intimidated, and since you need to feel secure it would be helpful to you if your boss could try not to yell even though you realize that your boss is stressed out.
I am not saying this is always going to work, and I know I can't expect other people to try to communicate this way, but I can listen for how they are feeling and use that to try to communicate in a way that utilizes compassion. If someone approaches you in a manner that is not compassionate ask yourself how does this person feel, and why do they feel this way before you reply. This will allow you to reply in a matter that addresses what it is that they need to feel okay.
This type of communicating is a life long practice that I have been trying to employ, and I have found that it can really help in my personal and business relationships. It has also helped me moderate many conflicts. It is not easy, but acting with love is not always easy; it is usually hard.
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