When working with self-esteem it is important to take into consideration that self-esteem stems directly from one's concept of themselves. This self concept includes "appearance, ability, temperament, attitudes, and beliefs" (Plummer, 2005, p.13). We act in a way that reflects our self-concept, but our self-concept is directly influenced by other people's reactions to our behavior. "Healthy self-esteem or positive self regard is about feeling competent and feeling lovable or approved of", and one's self-concept reflects whether they feel they are competent or loved (Plummer, 2005, p.14). I believe that a false self-concept is the reason many people do not have healthy self esteem, and I think that changing one's concept of self is the first place to start when trying to instill healthy self-esteem. It is important to understand what self-esteem actually is before trying to help change it.
Self-esteem is not a simple idea; it in fact has seven different categories that must be addressed in order to achieve a healthy self esteem. The seven areas of self esteem are self knowledge, self and others, self-acceptance, self-reliance, self-expression, self-confidence, and self-awareness (Plummer, 2005). The first step to healthy self-esteem is becoming knowledgeable about oneself; this means understanding who you are, what your beliefs about life are, and understanding what you have in common with others and what your differences are. Being aware of how you can maintain a sense of self while also "recognizing the natural interdependence of relationships" is another important part of gaining self-esteem; it is important to see things from the perspectives of others, co-operate, and expressing emotions in an appropriate way (Plummer, 2005, p.21). I find it hard myself to separate my emotions from the emotions of others, and I think it is important to recognize that my emotions are mine, and I must express them in a positive and productive manner. Another extremely important part of the process is accepting oneself, and this requires feeling okay with yourself, but it also requires knowing what your strong points are and your weakness are. When you know what your strengths and weakness are you can choose to work on the areas that need help, and if you know you are trying your best you will be more capable of accepting yourself. It is also important to realize that people make mistakes. Self-reliance is another extremely important part of attaining a healthy self-esteem; and it is imperative to take care of oneself, be independent and self-motivated, and to realize that you have "mastery over your life" (Plummer, 2005, p.21). Self-expression is another area of self-esteem that must be learned in order to gain a healthy self-esteem because it address how to communicate with others in a way that is productive; it also addresses developing your own style and "celebrating the unique ways in which we each express who we are" (Plummer, 2005, p.22). In order to achieve healthy self-esteem self-confidence is of the highest value; having self-confidence means recognizing that your opinions, actions, and ideas are of value, and knowing that you are capable of dealing with conflicts and challenges. Self-confidence deals with knowing you are capable of making decisions and being confident in your own abilities. Self-awareness is one of the hardest steps to healthy self-esteem for me because it requires one to deal with emotions as they arise, and be focused on now instead of dwelling on the past. Self-awareness is a difficult step, but it is also empowering because it gives you the ability to realize that you can control who you are and what you do. All of these steps are not easy, but they can be achieved, and it is important to realize which of these steps need help in order to improve the self-esteem of oneself and others.
Achieving a healthy self-esteem is not easy, and change can be intimidating to many people for many different reasons, but one can learn to understand their emotions and cope with them, and this will help them build better self-esteem. Change if difficult for people because any changes in our "beliefs, thoughts, or behaviors automatically entails having to give something up", and although we may know that this old habit is unhealthy for us it has become familiar and almost comfortable (Plummer, 2005, p. 26). Change can also be threatening to people because it forces them to change their view of themselves, and some people do not want to see themselves differently whether there perception of self is realistic or not. Anxiety is another emotion that is an obstacle to change that comes from fear of not knowing how to handle a situation. When we avoid a situation instead of dealing with it we cause anxiety; "if we don't experiment with our beliefs and behaviors, we will continue to keep our world small and manageable, avoiding changes and becoming more and more anxious" (Plummer, 2005, p.27). I find a lot of people have anxiety problems because they are reluctant to change, and I believe strongly that people should be encouraged to change instead of given prescription drugs to alter there mind sets. If one can see these emotions for what they are they can choose to change them and move on, and realizing that these emotions are obstacles to a positive change is the first step to making a positive change.
I believe that all people can develop a positive self-esteem, and I know it is hard, but I would like to be able to help people do this, and I would like to be able to become a better person myself. I realize that trying to figure out who you are is not easy, and I understand that dealing with all of the layers of self is a daunting task, but I believe that it can be done, and I would like to help others to do this. I plan on becoming a teacher, and it is very important to help students attain a healthy self-esteem, but even if I wanted to do anything else I would still feel like it is extremely important to know these ideas because helping others be the best they possibly can while also being the best you possibly can is the most important thing anyone can do.
References:
Plummer, D. (2005). Helping adolescents and adults to build self-esteem. Philadelphia, PA: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
